Priority Check

Wow. God is so amazing!! I was reading over my last post and the comments I received and was kind of discouraged by some of the things I said. Sorry for sounding a little negative for the up coming school year, but this has been my biggest worry lately. Anyway... I've been subscribing to Campus Life Magazine for the past couple of years(awesome mag. by the way) and I just got the new one today. Taking a break from my summer reading(fun fun), I decided to flip through and see what articles are in this edition. Talk about an awesome "God-thing": one of the last articles was appropriately titled I Took on Too Much. It's like I was reading my life. This girl was involved in cheerleading, band, the play and wanted to be able to do more. In the middle of the page they had a quote from the story: "I was physically, spiritually and emotionally drained. I knew something had to give." She also mentioned that if she decided to give up some activity in her life, she felt as if she was letting other people down. This is often why I do things(sometimes I have a hard time just saying "no"). If I have been doing it for a while, I feel the need to continue doing it forever and ever so I won't let certain people down and make myself feel better. Shouldn't I be doing this with my spiritual life? I do cheerleading and band and everything else because I'm committed to the team and don't want to let them down. What about my commitment to God? Aren't I letting HIM down every time I add one more thing to my busy life, pushing Him farther and farther way?

I've always made a list of priorities before each school year and putting God as No. 1(naturally). But do I really put that into practice? I really do want to put God as my first priority, which is why I've decided to not to any more sports after this season. I went into my freshman year thinking that I had to be involved in everything during high school to make a name for myself and to put something on my college applications. Now it seems my involvement in school has become my life. I'm overcommitted to the things that aren't as important to me anymore. I want to get involved with things that are going to benefit me more in the long run. I want to spend more time at church and with my friends there and do a lot more volunteering at different places and spend more time with my family. Well I should wrap it up with that...I could go on forever talking about how much my priorities have changed over the years. Thank you, God, for showing me what's important in my life!! Isn't God awesome?!

Quick news: I'm getting a car!! No joke. My dad has been looking for a truck, but then that kind of fell through and we didn't look for anything for a while. Then my dad was talking to this guy that he knows from Gage and he told my dad about these new cars that just came in a couple days ago. We went today and test drove it and the price is right(haha), so everything looks good. I should be getting it tomorrow or Friday. It's a '98 Mitsubishi Galant:




Pretty sweet, eh?

I'm Just Hanging On

Everyday Sunday-Hanging On
God I’m in this place again I’m trying so hard not to fall,
but everything keeps coming down with the rain.
And I try so hard I forget to call.
Everybody’s looking around, and wants to be found.
And I’m just hanging on; I give You all that I am.
I come to You with all that I am, I bring to You all that I have,
and all I have is nothing, and I keep on trying, and all I want is You.
Everybody’s looking around and wants to be found,
and I’m just hanging on.
I give You all that I am.
And as I sit here in the midst of You,
I come to You; I bring You all that I am.
Everybody’s looking around and wants to be found,
and I’m just hanging on.
I give You all that I am.

I love this song. This is basically describing my life during the school year. I'm a very routine type of person(duh). Once school starts, I make myself stick to a strict schedule and I have EVERYTHING planned exactly the way I want it. If something messes up my daily routine, I can get stressed out(that's the scariest thing in the world).

I can already feel this school syndrom taking a toll on my life and the school year hasn't even begun yet. Once I get into my school mode, I put all of my personal stuff on a temporary pause. Yes, this includes my personal relationship with God. It's not like I rebel from Christianity during the school year and give into all that public school peer pressure, but I am not as consistant with my devotions and spending quality time with God.

The school year ends up being this spiritual roller coaster for me. There are times(usually when I've had breaks and have had a chance to catch up on my sleep) when I'm so on fire for God and I want to go on this big witnessing spree. I want to go down the hall, saying hi to every person I pass and showing them the love of Christ. Commercial Break: I want to thank Ben Sawyer for being an awesome example of how a Christian should act everyday. I loved walking into math class everday and immediately being greeted my Ben's smile. Even if I was having a lousy day, I would always look forward to fourth hour because I new Ben would lift my spirits. Ben, you are like a (this is the only way I can really put this) "little walking Jesus" at GHHS. You carry yourself the way Christ would at GHHS or any public setting for the matter. Thank you for encouraging me to be more like Christ during the day.

Anyway, there are times when I feel as though it's just me against the world. I'm little Sarah, trapped in the hectic life I've set up for myself, confused and alone. I have friends at school who love me and support me, but I sometimes can't express my feelings because they don't completely understand me and my relationship with Christ. That's why during the school year and any time really, I long for Wednesdays and Sundays, when I can be with my brothers and sisters and cry on their shoulder and be encouraged, but even then I'm used to holding some of my feelings in, fearing that they will see me as a weak Christian. Atleast they somewhat understand me and how I feel as a Christian facing the pressures I do. I think this fall will be especially difficult for me because of my cheerleading schedule, which cuts right into small groups on Wednesdays.

Sometimes all I can do when I feel trapped in my little world, is cry out to God and surrender my fears, eveything, to Him. Instead of longing for my church days, I should be longing for my God days, the little moments when I hear Him whispering to me, telling me that everything is alright. When I'm afraid to confess my weaknesses, God is always there to define my strengths. God is so awesome! He wants to spend time with me and listen to my struggles and my triumphs. Even when I don't acknowledge Him during the day and don't always feel close to Him, He doesn't leave me to go throughout my life alone. I can talk to Him about everything in my life. Even when I'm so scared and I feel the weight of my life getting heavier and heavier and I'm barely hanging on, my loving God is right there to catch me when I fall.

It's That Time Again

The end of summer is fast approaching. Everyday I am getting busier and busier. I'd say my summer has been pretty busy but it was a "relaxing" type of busy(if that makes sense). I had the chance to do things that I don't normally get to do during the school year.

It seems that I'm getting back into my school routine again: jumping from one activity to the other and trying to balance everything at the same time. CHAOS!! Why do I do this to myself year after year? You'd think I would have learned by now that I just get more stressed out the busier I am. I honestly would have it no other way though. By being busy, I am much more motivated and very determined to get things done quicker. So as hectic as it is sometimes, I am happy that I have my busy schedule: band, cheerleading, student senate, church, lessons, etc. I hope to get a break sometime in November if all goes according to plan.

Big News(for me anyway): I finally have my journal back!! For those of you who do not know the story- I lost my old journal last fall and pretty much gave up any hope of finding it. This was a sad moment in my life because I had so many poems and devotionals written in there that I hoped to keep for the future. Well... I was talking to my old cheerleading coach one day and she told me that she has had it since the end of the season. I finally had the chance to stop by her house and pick it up. Sorry to any of you who see this as insignificant, but I seriously was praying for a while that my journal would be returned so I could have my old poems again. I am going to be posting some of my poems on Eloquent Poets. This first poem is from this past fall when I went backpacking with the Kramers and Encks. I was inspired by God's creation. I can't believe how much my writing style has changed over these past few months. By looking back through my old journal entries, I've noticed how much I've grown spiritually and emotionally too.

I'll end this random post with one of the many pictures from band camp(more to come later):


Me, Kelli, Becca, and Kate: this was before the first dance night at camp. Everybody wears wacky costumes. Close your eyes. Give me your hand, darlin. Do you feel my heart beating? Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Or is this burning(BURNING) and eternal flame(hands rise up in the air as people keeping moving around in the various circles)?

FUN!! FUN!!

Today was filled with water slides, footlong hotdogs, roller coasters and chocolate/cookies and cream Dip 'n Dots. I spent the day with the Evans Family(minus Mrs. E) and my awesome brother at Michigan's Adventure. I was so excited to see Elaina again and hear her stories from her trip. I of course had to fill her in on everything that's happened in boring ol' Michigan in the past three weeks. It was fun spending time with her and laughing about random things.

I had the chance to try out the new FUNNEL OF FEAR. I was standing in line looking at it thinking, this is nothing; Why is everyone making a big deal about it? Once we got the the top and the lifeguard set us free, I freaked out. I wasn't scared of being enclosed in a small tube or even plunging into this massive funnel, but I was doing all this while sitting backward. This is the only thing I try to avoid while going down. I don't like the fact that I can't see what is coming up. But to my surprise, I survived and had a blast(or a splash...haha..ok nevermind my weird humor. I'm tired; give me a break).

My next big feat with the treacherous SHIVERING TIMBERS. If you've been on this coaster with me *cough* sorry Laura *cough* you would know that I tend to go nuts on this ride. For some unknown reason, I tend to do my "Sarah laugh"(laugh uncontrollably without making a sound-sorry to those of you who have experienced this) throughout the entire ride. At the top of the first hill, I throw up my hands like any normal, fun-loving coaster rider would do and get ready for the first scream of the ride. Then, as we make it just over the peak, I so to scream and nothing comes out, except for a piece of saliva out of the corner of my mouth. Then I proceed to hyperventilate, while attempting to control my laughter and keep my hands up at the same time. This is one exhausting ride for me that ends with an embarrassing picture of me for everyone to see(again, Elaina I apologize). Overall, I love the experience every time.

Today was so much fun! I hadn't been in the water park in a while, so it was fun to revisit my childhood. I did however not listen to my wise brother and received a major sunburn(just what I need to add on to my already red skin from cheerleading). And I will forever have the park theme song playing in my head!

The Joys of Wearing White Dinkles

Sorry for the delay in posting, but I have been quite busy. Here's what I've been up to:


My great-uncle passed away a couple weeks ago, so I went down to Hillsboro, Illinois for the funeral. The trip was very enjoyable, considering the circumstances. I had a chance to talk to my mom and aunt on the eight hour ride down there. I met some of my relatives when I went to their house for a huge dinner. I had to opportunity to look at scrapbooks and learn about the uncle I really never knew. He was always quiet when I knew him, but I learned that he lived a great life and was even in WWII for five years. At the funeral, naturally, everyone was crying. Ray Brown was their husband, father, friend- they were mourning over the lost. I too was crying, but instead of being tears of sorrow, they were tears of regret. I often think about the times that I said, "Bye, Ray" when I could have taken a few more steps and given him a hug and said, "I love you". It has really made me think about the people in my life right now and how much I take them for granted sometimes. I need to take those extra steps and show them how important they are to me.

Anyway...

On to Champion Cheerleading Camp!! YEAH!




This year my team went to BEAST CAMP(Ya, BEASTLY WOMEN). This is suppose to be harder than regular camp- you learn more cheers in a shorter amount of time and work a lot harder with everything. It was fun. There is this group called Pride that comes every year and all the girls go crazy because there are a few boys in the group and that's all the contact they have with the opposite sex for *gasp* FOUR DAYS(sorry, but don't you think that's a little ridiculous). There are also seminars(I went to Christian Athlete) and lots of team bonding time. For me, this was the hardest part of camp. I feel like a loner on my cheer team. It's really hard for me to be myself with those girls. I don't feel accepted. I try to get to know them-ask them questions, but it seems like they just don't care. I am open about my faith and I feel that's what is holding me back from being accepted. This girl calls me "Holy Sarah"- she doesn't mean it to be rude that's just her personality. I feel honored that they see I am different, but it's so hard to be the outcast. This is something I've never really experienced before. One day I stayed in my room during one of our breaks, listening to my CD, trying to hold back the tears and I started to write:

Sitting alone in my room
No one seems to care
They dance and laugh
While I fight back the tears

I'm crying out for acceptance
Can't you see the pain in my eyes?
I want to dance and laugh
Without having to look at your stares

I try hard to be your friend
To show you who I really am
Will you talk to me?
Will you take the time?

Sometimes I feel like this around people. I feel like I have to own up to my label of "the Christian Girl" or "Holy Sarah". It can be really tough for me sometimes because I am constantly critiquing every one of moves to make sure people see me- as a person and a follower of Christ. I want to show them that I'm not the boring, stereotypical Christian, but I am different than most girls. This is something I've been struggling with lately.


Next is...

Marching Band!




We started our practices this week in preparation for the Coast Guard Parade on Saturday. It's so nice not being a Rookie this year. I know everything that's going on-no surprises. The flute section has 6 rookies this year. It's fun to help them. They're all nervous about memorizing music and marching while playing at the same time. We've just been encouraging them and helping them out as much as possible because we know how nervous we were as rookies. I can wait for band camp though. I get to help out with rookie pranks this year!! It's going to be hard to be away for a whole week though. I have to miss Bible Study, another week of church, part of Unity, and doing stuff with my church buddies. Last year, I called my mom while she was at Unity and I got hear some songs from her cell phone. I'll have to do that again this year. It should be a fun week though. I'm excited to start Marching Band again. Disney World Trip is this year!!

So that's what I've been up to. Sorry for the long post, but I feel incomplete unless I say everything that's on my mind. I'll leave you with these words:

I don't really want to cry over issues
Wet tissues stick to my shoes

paravillintiniay
dorga orpha dorga billa
dorga orpha stifaleare
dorga orpha dorga billa
tonalation fonamere