I'm Just Hanging On

Everyday Sunday-Hanging On
God I’m in this place again I’m trying so hard not to fall,
but everything keeps coming down with the rain.
And I try so hard I forget to call.
Everybody’s looking around, and wants to be found.
And I’m just hanging on; I give You all that I am.
I come to You with all that I am, I bring to You all that I have,
and all I have is nothing, and I keep on trying, and all I want is You.
Everybody’s looking around and wants to be found,
and I’m just hanging on.
I give You all that I am.
And as I sit here in the midst of You,
I come to You; I bring You all that I am.
Everybody’s looking around and wants to be found,
and I’m just hanging on.
I give You all that I am.

I love this song. This is basically describing my life during the school year. I'm a very routine type of person(duh). Once school starts, I make myself stick to a strict schedule and I have EVERYTHING planned exactly the way I want it. If something messes up my daily routine, I can get stressed out(that's the scariest thing in the world).

I can already feel this school syndrom taking a toll on my life and the school year hasn't even begun yet. Once I get into my school mode, I put all of my personal stuff on a temporary pause. Yes, this includes my personal relationship with God. It's not like I rebel from Christianity during the school year and give into all that public school peer pressure, but I am not as consistant with my devotions and spending quality time with God.

The school year ends up being this spiritual roller coaster for me. There are times(usually when I've had breaks and have had a chance to catch up on my sleep) when I'm so on fire for God and I want to go on this big witnessing spree. I want to go down the hall, saying hi to every person I pass and showing them the love of Christ. Commercial Break: I want to thank Ben Sawyer for being an awesome example of how a Christian should act everyday. I loved walking into math class everday and immediately being greeted my Ben's smile. Even if I was having a lousy day, I would always look forward to fourth hour because I new Ben would lift my spirits. Ben, you are like a (this is the only way I can really put this) "little walking Jesus" at GHHS. You carry yourself the way Christ would at GHHS or any public setting for the matter. Thank you for encouraging me to be more like Christ during the day.

Anyway, there are times when I feel as though it's just me against the world. I'm little Sarah, trapped in the hectic life I've set up for myself, confused and alone. I have friends at school who love me and support me, but I sometimes can't express my feelings because they don't completely understand me and my relationship with Christ. That's why during the school year and any time really, I long for Wednesdays and Sundays, when I can be with my brothers and sisters and cry on their shoulder and be encouraged, but even then I'm used to holding some of my feelings in, fearing that they will see me as a weak Christian. Atleast they somewhat understand me and how I feel as a Christian facing the pressures I do. I think this fall will be especially difficult for me because of my cheerleading schedule, which cuts right into small groups on Wednesdays.

Sometimes all I can do when I feel trapped in my little world, is cry out to God and surrender my fears, eveything, to Him. Instead of longing for my church days, I should be longing for my God days, the little moments when I hear Him whispering to me, telling me that everything is alright. When I'm afraid to confess my weaknesses, God is always there to define my strengths. God is so awesome! He wants to spend time with me and listen to my struggles and my triumphs. Even when I don't acknowledge Him during the day and don't always feel close to Him, He doesn't leave me to go throughout my life alone. I can talk to Him about everything in my life. Even when I'm so scared and I feel the weight of my life getting heavier and heavier and I'm barely hanging on, my loving God is right there to catch me when I fall.